All losses are confusing, disorienting and personal. Kubler-Ross
lists the 5 stages of grief as Denial, Anger, Bargaining,
Depression and Acceptance. These provide a framework for us to
understand the many emotions swirling in our souls at such a time.
They are not meant to be exact in any way. Each person’s journey
is personal….its lonely and takes time….lots of time…and
patience…you cannot “just get over it and move on”. Certainly
resilience is part of this process to keep going in some manner…but
it’s all confusing…life is turned upside down, inside out…the
plan has been changed…you have been changed….everything is
different.
Pauline Boss, is an amazing loss therapist having written many books and articles on ambiguous loss: Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss, and The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. The ambiguity of having someone with Alzheimer’s Disease…physical present but psychologically absent…or the loss of someone missing in action…these gray zones where time freezes.
With so much loss at this time of the pandemic our search must be for meaning…not closure.
In Florence Williams book: Heartbreak – A personal and Scientific Journey…she takes us through the journey of her recovery from divorce after 25 years. She describes the self-discovery that will help change the way you thinking about loneliness, health and what it means to fall in and out of love.